Who wants to be a Harvest Millionaire?

Written by Marryl Zero, Tym Zero, and Kevin

     Mayor: Welcome to......WHO WANT'S TO BE A HARVEST MILLIONAIRE!!!
     Announcer: Tonight's contestants are...Jack, from the Zero ranch, Karen, from the Flower Bud Vineyard, Cliff, from....uhm....no, nevermind...., Rick, from the inventer's shop, Gray, from the Green Ranch, the Potion Shop dealer, from the Potion Shop, Lillia, from...well, the Florist Lillia, THE Midwife, from Flower Bud Village, Maria, from the Flower Bud Village Library, and Sabara, from the Souvenier Shop! Congrats to all of tonights contestants, on.....
     Mayor: WHO WANT'S TO BE A HARVEST MILLIONAIRE!!!!! And now, it's time to get down to business....and here comes the fastest-finger question......
Put the following foods in order of shipping price from the highest to the lowest.....
A: Mushroom
B: Veryberry
C: Edible Herb
D: Turnip

(after 20 seconds pass)
And the results are:
Jack: 6.47
Karen: 5.06
Cliff: X
Rick: 19.99
Gray: X
Potion Shop dealer: 9.14
Florist Lillia: 7.17
midwife: 6.23
Maria: 8.80
Sabara: X

....and the winner is....KAREN! Congratulations!

     Karen: Woo-hoo! *hic*.....
     Mayor: Well, Karen, tell us a little about yourself!
     Karen: Well, I *hic* live on the Flower Mug Village *hic* vineyard, with my parents...(waves to someone in audience)...HI DADDY!
     Karen's father: Leave me alone.
     Mayor: So, you know how to play, you start off at 100G, and go on to 200G, all the way up to 1,000,000G. You have your three lifelines to help you: 50/50, call a friend, and poll the audience....hmmm...well, lets get on with...WHO WANT'S TO BE A HARVEST MILLIONAIRE!!! And now, are you ready to begin?
     Karen: No, but here goes anyway.
     Mayor: And here's your first question!

Which of the following costs the most gold?
A: A bag of Turnips
B: a bag of Potatoes
C: a glass of beer
D: Taro

     Karen: C! C! It's definately C!!!!!!!!!
     Mayor: Is that your final...
     Karen: YES! NOW GET ON WITH *hic* ANSWER!
     Mayor: (hurriedly) That's correct, for 100G! Now for the next...
     Karen: HOLD IT! I'm quitting here!
     Mayor: (stupified) Eh?
     Karen: *BLEEP* yeah, this is enough to buy me some *hic* booze!
     Mayor: Uhm....well, if that's what you...
(Karen is already long-gone)
     Mayor: want.....ohkay, time for the next fastest-finger question! And here it is:

Put the following crops in order, from longest to shortest, in the time that they grow:
A: Turnips
B: Corn
C: Eggplant
D: Strawberries

(after 20 seconds pass)
and the results are:
Jack: 5.90
Cliff: 9.38
Rick: X
Gray: 7.64
Potion Shop dealer: 6.12
Florist Lillia: 5.92
midwife: 11.22
Maria: X
Sabara: 16.70

     Mayor: And the winner is....Jack! Congrats!
     Jack: HO YEAH BABY!!!! Here I come!
     Mayor: You know the deal with the lifelines, money stages, and the questions, so, let's play WHO WANTS TO BE A HARVEST MILLIONAIRE!!........and here's the first question:

Where can you buy Strawberries?
A: the Potion Shop
B: the Bar
C: the Florist Lillia
D: in a plane

     Jack: Easy Stuff. C.
     Mayor: Yep, that's right! Now, for the 200G question:

How much do Potatoes sell for?
A: 60
B: 70
C: 80
D: 1550

     Jack: Don't you hate these early questions? C...again....
     Mayor: Yes, that's correct! Now you're goin' fer 300G!

Which of these people say ,"Don't do absurd things just because you're young,"?
A: Kent
B: Stu
C: the Potion Shop Dealer
D: Gyro (Jack's dog)

     Jack: Um... well I never heard my DOG talk before, so I'm going to go with C.....
     Mayor: Good job, and that's a good guess, but.....you're correct! Next question:

What channel is the "popular" entertainment channel?
A: 4
B: 3
C: 2
D: -1

     Jack: FINALLY! An answer other than C!
     Mayor: I can change that, you know....
     Jack: .....the answer is A.....
     Mayor: Yes, that's correct. Now for the 1000G question:

Which of the following eats Grass?
A: Chicken
B: Cow
C: Baby
D: Sabara

     Sabara: YO! WHAT THE *BLEEP* OF A QUESTION IS THAT?!!?!!?!
     Mayor: Hey, I don't make the questions!
     Sabara: SO WHO THE *BLEEP* MAKES THE *BLEEP*IN' QUESTIONS?!?!??!!
     Mayor: I think that old guy from the top of Moon Mountain does....
     The old guy (peeking in from the outside of the question room): EEEhehehehehehe....
     Jack: Well, I'm pretty sure that the answer is D, but...
     Sabara: ........
     Jack (snickering): I think I'm going to go with B....
     Mayor: ....are you 100% SURE that the answer is not D?
[Sabara lunges at the Mayor]
     Sabara: THAT'S IT!!!!!
     Mayor: GUARDS!!!!!! HEL....ACK!....STOP CHOKING ME!
[Two heavyset guards come in and take Sabara back to his chair and put him in a straightjacket]
     Mayor: AHEM....now, is that your final answer?
     Jack: Yes.
     Mayor: CORRECT! you've finished the first 5 questions and made it to the 1000G point. And you can't go home with less than that. So, here's the next question....

How much lumber is needed to make a kitchen?
A: 200
B: 300
C: 550
D: 450

     Jack: That would be D, 450.
     Mayor: Is that your final answer?
     Jack: Yes, yes, baldy.
     Mayor: .....correct...for a trip to *BLEEP*!!!!!! Now you can have THIS question:

[Mayor takes out a piece of crumpled paper]
How many of the people in the Harvest Moon world are left handed?
A: 3
B: 4
C: 5
D: 6

     Jack: WHAT KIND OF A *BLEEP*ING QUESTION IS THAT?!?!
     Mayor: It's an *OFFICIAL* question!
     Jack: HOW THE *BLEEP* AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW??!?!?!?!! Let's see....ummm....I'll try....
     Mayor: TIME'S UP!
     Jack: HEY! What the *BLEEP*!
     Mayor: Sorry, but you lose....
     Jack: .....aw *BLEEP*, now I have to go back on welfare.....
     Mayor: Next fastest-finger question is......

Put the following places in alphabetical order going from A to Z:
A: Green Ranch
B: Potion Shop
C: Moon Mountain
D: Town Square

(after 20 seconds pass)
and the results are:
Cliff: 8.66
Rick: 12.90
Gray: 7.34
Potion Shop dealer: 7.11
Florist Lillia: X
midwife: 4.89
Maria: 5.55
Sabara: X

     Mayor: And the winner is.....the Midwife! Congratulations!
     Midwife: All life is study, study, gain lots of experiences.
     Mayor: Uhm....yes....okay, here's your first question:

Which of the following comes from a chicken?
A: Yolk
B: Egg
C: Shell
D: Cow

     Midwife: All life is study, study, gain lots of experiences....
     Mayor: Huh? Are you feeling okay?
     Midwife: All life is study, study, gain lots of experiences....
     Mayor: Hmmm.....when were you born?
     Midwife: All life is study, study, gain lots of experiences....
     Mayor (grabs a cellphone): Hello, Flower Bud Hospital? We....
     Midwife: Don't worry, I'll be there for the baby!
     Mayor:...need you NOW!
     Midwife: All life is study, study, gain lots of experiences....
     Mayor: Just calm down, lady, everything's going to be.....
     Midwife: Don't worry, I'll be there for the baby!
[Two parametics rush in and take the Mayor and put him on a stretcher]
     Mayor: NOT ME YOU IDIOTS!
[The parametics put the midwife on top of the Mayor]
     Mayor (weakly): HELP!! I CAN'T BREATHE!!
[The parametics struggle to pull the Mayor out from under the midwife, then they leave]
     Mayor: Poor old sap....anywayz, next fastest finger question!

Put the Following Items in order of cost from least to greatest found at Green Ranch:
A: Cow
B: Chicken
C: Miracle Potion
D: Sheep

(after 20 seconds pass)
and the results are:
Cliff: 5.92
Rick: X
Gray: 2.56
Potion Shop dealer: 7.38
Florist Lillia: X
Maria: X
Sabara: X

     Mayor: And the winner is.......Gray Congrats
     Gray: .............
     Mayor: Well.......Let's continue with Who wants to be a HARVEST MILLIONAIRE. For 100G:

Other than milk, What does Elli like:
A: Wild Animals
B: Wine
C: Eggs
D: Gray

     Gray: .......What? This is stupid. I am outta here.......See ya .
     Mayor: (quickly)OK....C.....Correct!
     Gray: Wow! (The audience gasps as Gray gives a breif disturbing smile) That was easy! Gimmie another!!!
     Mayor: For 200G.

How many villagers like Gray?
A: 1
B: 2
C: 3
D: all

     Gray: Easy..........the anwser is deffinately D!
     Mayor: Final?
     Gray: Yes, yes, yessssss!
     Mayor: Ohh I sorry the Correct anwser is C! Well better luck next time!
     Gray: ................... (looks upset)
     Mayor: Okay, here is the next fastest-finger question:

Put the following home extentions in order of cost, staring with the cheapest:
A: Baby Bed
B: Kitchen
C: Log Terrace
D: Bathroom

     Sabara: Hey, what the *bleep*! I can't even press the *bleep* buttons!
     Mayor: That was YOUR fault!
     Sabara: I CAN'T USE MY DENTURES, YOU IDIOT!
     Mayor: .......you have dentures? I don't think anyone knew that.....
     Sabara: AAAAGGGGGHHHH! CURSE THIS SHOW!
     Mayor (under his breath): Hehehehehe.....

(after 20 seconds pass) and the results are:
Cliff: 7.30
Rick: 15.97
Potion Shop dealer: 10.01
Florist Lillia: 13.56
Maria: 9.05
Sabara: X

     Mayor: And the winner is.......CLIFF! Congratulations!
     Cliff: Boo Yah, baby! I'm glad I hanged around the carpenters when it rained!
     Mayor: Cliff, you know the whole ordeal, right?
     Cliff: Yah!
     Mayor: So let's do it, let's play WHO WANTS TO BE A HARVEST MILLIONAIRE! Here's your first question:

Which of the following is the Potion Shop dealer's dog's name?
A: Gyro
B: Taro
C: Tim
D: Idiot

     Potion Shop Dealer: I resent that!
     Mayor: I said I don't make the questions, that wierd guy does....
     Cliff: Don't worry, I know the answer, and it's B, Taro.
     Mayor: CONGRATS! Correct. Here's the next:

Which of the following DOES NOT grow in Fall?
A: Grass
B: Grapes
C: Mushrooms
D: Flowers

     Cliff: I know that mushrooms and grapes grow (that what I eat), and I believe that GRASS GROWS 120 DAYS A YEAR..so that means flowers die in Fall.
     Mayor: ....CORRECT! Next question:

Which girl works at the bakery?
A: Karen
B: Elli
C: Ann
D: Taro

Cliff: ......sorry Ann! I have to go with....oh wait. I'm not to sure......uhh.....uhmmmm.....
     Mayor: You know, you still have all three lifelines.
     Cliff: .......CALL A FRIEND!
     Mayor: Which friend would you like to call?
     Cliff: I'd like to call......Well, i don't know this question really.....I think I'll try the Potion Shop dealer......
     Mayor: Okay, MoonCalls will get him on the line.
     Cliff: Hey wait. I want to talk to someone else who I heard lives with him.
     Mayor: Uhhh....I can't really allow....oh wait....I see...he doesn't have a phone number, right?
     Cliff: Right. [Phone Rings at the dealer's house]
     Kent: Hello
     Cliff: Is Taro there?
     Kent: Yes, why?
     Cliff: It's your good buddy Cliff and I need to talk to him.
     Kent: Go ahead....but.....uhhh...okay.....
     Taro: RUFF! RUFF!
     Cliff: Hi Taro. So, whats the answer to the question?
     Taro: RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF ^_~!

     Cliff: Hey, great! Thanks ^_~!
     Taro: RRRUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!
     Mayor: Time's up.
     Cliff: I'm going to go with Taro and pick B.....
     Mayor: .....you can speak dog?
     Cliff: Well, fox actually. I Could make out what she said.
     Mayor: Well....you're correct! Now the next question is:

[a commercial break comes on]
Why buy the new Nissan® Extreme?
[back to Who Wants To be a Harvest Millionaire]

     Cliff: ............uhm.....I don't see any answers yet.......and that question is unfair!
     Mayor: Oh, yes, I forgot! Heh heh...everyone makes mistakes. And that question.....IS UNFAIR! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REAL ONE?

How much lumber does one stump give you?
A: 5
D: 6
C: 7
D: 8

     Cliff: B. B. B.
     Mayor: YES CORRECT! Congratulations! You've reached the 1000G mark! You can't leave with less than 1000G! And.....loooky here. We have to go to a commercial break while we do the rest of the show!

[A commercial comes on]
Why buy the new Nissan® Extreme? Because it has air conditioning, and it's affordable, only at 99,999G! Isn't that wonderful? Imagine your friends seeing you cruise through town (an animation shows the person running over a mailbox and through a fence, then off of the cliff on Moon Mountain). Just ask some of our satisfied customers how great this product is! (The screen changes to the graveyard and the camera zooms in on the two graves which are too 'old to read the inscription', then back to the car driving on a road) See? This fabulous product came to us straight from the 100% honest peddler, and we are even offering you a warranty of 2 days! Now that's a great deal! And better yet, this car comes with a cool sheet with pictures of Teletubbies® on it just so you can sit on the Teletubbies® and have to glory of killing all of them! (whispers: That should be enough to get the people to come ANYWAY) And all you have to do is...
[the commercial ends]

     Mayor: CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE REACHED THE 500,000G MARK! YOU'RE ONLY ONE AWAY FROM THE MILLION! AND YOU STILL HAVE YOUR 50/50!
     Cliff: .....just get it on, I'm getting impatient!
     Mayor: And for 1,000,000G, here is the final question:

Which of the following is an item in Karen's room?
A: a sutaining carrot
B: a collection of seashells
C: a poster of Kai
D: a Nissan® Extreme

     Cliff: Ooohhh.....this is a hard one. I'm going to use my 50/50.
     Mayor: Are you sure?
     Cliff: Yes, I'm sure.
     Mayor: Computer, narrow it down to 2 possible answers, the correct one and one wrong one.

Which of the following is an item in Karen's room?

B: a collection of Seashells

D: a Nissan® Extreme

     Cliff: But I thought everyone who bought a Nissan&rag; Extreme died.......that only leaves B! And she DOES go to the beach sometimes....I think it is B.
     Mayor: Are you sure?
     Cliff: Yes.
     Mayor: Postitive?
     Cliff: Yes.
     Mayor: Is that your final answer?
     Cliff: Yes.
     Mayor: FOR 1,000,000G, ARE YOU SURE?!?!?!?!
     Cliff: Don't make me sick Cain on you.....
     Mayor: ...................................CORRECT!!!!! YOU JUST WON ONE MILLION GOLD! HOW DO YOU FEEL?
[Cliff does a handspring off of Sabara's bald head, and lands in the audience]
     Cliff (on one knee, throwing the Blue Feather into the air): Ann, will, you marry me?
     Ann: Hey, that's what you use to propose in these parts. Oh, you know that? And I don't see anyone else around here....so...is that for me? Really?
     Cliff: Yep ^_^!
     Ann: ......
[The 100% honest Salesman dashes into the room and steals the 1,000,000 (the money was in a bag)]
     Sabara (screaming): HEY, HE STOLE THE MONEY (ow, my dentures...).....
     Salesman: WAHAHAHAHAAH......I'VE GOT THE....
[There is a loud BANG, and the Salesman starts falling and flailing at the same, then hits the floor with a hard thud]
     Cliff (holding a smoking rifle): No one's going to get MY money. You can have the Mayor's, but NOT MINE!
     Ann: Of couse I'll marry you!
     Mayor: Congratulations! You just won 1,000,000G, and you also get whatever was on the now deceased Salesman! And that is.... (checks the Salesman's pockets).....a card that says you own a Nissan® Extreme! Congratulations!

(10 minutes later)
     Cliff and Ann (in a Nissan® Extreme): WAHOO!!!!
(11 minutes later)
[Shows a grave , with 'R.I.P. Cliff and Ann' written on it]
[Actually, Cliff and Ann don't die. That was only a joke at the end. And why? Because we can't have Cliff the 2nd coolest guy in the game, die. And who's the coolest? Why Sabara of course!]

THE END!!!

Legal Disclaimer:
     We do not own the Teletubbies®, we do not own Nissan®, Who wants to be a Millionaire®, Harvest Moon /GB/64/Back to Nature, or any other games. We are not in any way affiliated or in business with Natsume©, Nintendo©, or any other companies mentioned (involved with the products mentioned) with anything in this document. THERE IS NO CAR CALLED THE NISSAN® EXTREME!!! We apologize for any offenses within this fanfic, but they are only used as a joke. If you find anything inappropriate in this document (other than the language, which it states at the top of this document that there is an appropriate age group), please send an E-mail to Marryl Zero or Tym Zero and state the reason why you believe it should be removed. ANY E-MAILS SENT WITH ANY TYPE OF ATTACHMENT (including HTML documents, excluding .email files), WILL BE DELETED WITHOUT REPLY, AND NEVER READ. ©2000 Who Wants to be a Harvest Millionaire by Marryl Zero, Tym Zero, and Kevin.